He Thought I Was Ugly So He Gave Me To His Cousin

Waking up in the middle of the night to a post from the Campus King was never a good sign, especially when it read: [Been talking to a girl online for three months. We’re supposed to meet next week, and I just found out she’s a hundred-and-sixty-pound whale. Help.]

The top comment was pure evil: [Simple. Give the account and the girlfriend to someone you hate. Let two annoying people cancel each other out.]

The Campus King happily agreed.

I scrolled past with a shudder, thanking my lucky stars my own boyfriend wasn’t like that.

A few weeks later, I was having a sweet dinner with my boyfriend when the Campus King suddenly showed up, pointing at the man across from me and practically screaming:

“You bastard! I should be Liv Parker’s boyfriend! Give her and the account back right now!”

1

I was already half-asleep, but the post immediately grabbed my attention.

I recognized the user: Sawyer Reed. The campus king. Was this guy really doing the online dating thing?

Sawyer was deep into a digital breakdown in his thread:

[God help me, she told me she was five-foot-six and looked like a supermodel. I believed her for three whole months!]

[I forgot to ask about her weight!]

[I ordered her some takeout today and asked the delivery guy to describe her. He said a walking barrel came down, legs thicker than her waist, like a side of beef. The thought of calling a side of beef ‘babe’ for three months makes me want to spontaneously combust!]

The comment section was having a field day:

[Catching feelings for an online ghost? A quick pic will set him straight.]

[Fate hates pretty-boy snobs. This is karma.]

Sawyer was losing it:

[This isn’t just teasing now. I have to meet her next week! I want to run over every single pig-demon in the world!]

Huh, weird coincidence. My boyfriend and I were also planning to meet up next week.

I flipped over to my messaging app. My last exchange with my online boyfriend, X, was from that evening.

X: [Heading to the lab tonight. Don’t wait up for me.]

It was pushing 10 PM. I sent a new message:

[Babe, still busy?]

[I just saw the most infuriating post!]

He was probably tied up; no reply came for a while.

I knew he couldn’t have his phone on him in the secure lab area, so I didn’t worry, just went back to the forum.

In the time I was gone, Sawyer had posted several updates, each more vile than the last:

[I swear, the pig-demon can’t go an hour without messaging. So irritating.]

[I can’t look at her profile picture without feeling sick, let alone talk to her.]

[Gotta go puke.]

Most of the responses were happily feeding the drama. A few people spoke up for the girl, but Sawyer shot them down without mercy:

[You feel so great? Then you date the pig.]

[Did she apologize for looking like that and trying to date online? I’m being nice just by not screaming at her!]

I scrolled past more suggestions and, feeling kind of disgusted, switched back to my chat with X.

Still no reply. What was going on?

He had never gone radio silent like this. Was he seriously planning to pull an all-nighter in the lab?

2

I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer. I sent X a quick ‘Goodnight’ and went to sleep.

The first thing I did the next morning was check my phone.

Still nothing. What in the world?

Sawyer Reed’s thread, however, had a new, troubling update.

I frowned at the top comment that Sawyer had highlighted:

[This is easy. Just give the account and the girlfriend to someone you hate. Let the two annoying people cancel each other out!]

Ugh, that was truly messed up.

Sawyer’s response was immediate and enthusiastic:

[Smart, bro! I hate my cousin, that total tool, so much. I’m doing it!]

Sawyer had a cousin? I’d never heard of him.

But their drama wasn’t my problem. My problem was still X not replying.

I reread our messages from the night before. Nothing seemed off.

He’d ordered me sushi earlier and then reported heading to the lab.

So why the silence?

Just as I was about to call, my phone vibrated.

X: [Good morning, babe.]

I instantly deflated with relief, but a little bit of hurt still came through: [Why didn’t you talk to me all night QAQ]

X: [Sorry, babe. The lab was crazy busy.]

It really was the lab. I relaxed completely: [Fine. I guess I’ll forgive you ╭(╯^╰)╮]

X: [Don’t forgive me so fast. You can get mad at me more often, babe.]

He was calling me ‘babe’ so much I actually blushed a little: [Why are you so sweet this morning?]

X: [I miss you.]

My face felt hot: [We talk every day. How can you miss me?]

A few seconds of silence before the reply:

[Incredibly missed.]

[I want to see you so badly, babe.]

He was so flirty today!

A strange sense of dissonance fluttered in my stomach, but I couldn’t stop my heart from pounding. I quickly switched to another app to calm down.

I’d been dating X online for nearly four months. Usually, he had this cool, slightly aloof vibe. He used ‘babe’ sometimes, but never this much sappy, clingy language.

Something was off. Seriously off.

Was he covering up something he did wrong?

I immediately thought of Sawyer’s awful post from last night. The sudden rush of giddiness vanished, replaced by a stern suspicion:

[You’re being weird. Confess. What good deed did you do?]

He paused, then sent an audio message a few seconds later:

“Busted, huh, babe? I bought you a cupcake. Looks like I’m derailing your diet plan again.”

Hearing his voice, I felt a wave of comfort.

He’d sent me voice notes before, but they were usually in a forced, low monotone. Not unpleasant, but nothing like this bright, melodic sound.

I saved the clip and sent my own voice note back: “You’re acting weird today. Weird reactions, weird words, and your voice is even weird.”

He replied quickly: “And do you hate this ‘weird,’ then?”

3

Of course not!

I’m the kind of person who melts when someone is soft with me.

I cleared my throat and pressed the voice button: “No, I don’t hate it. Keep it up.”

He chuckled: “Okay, babe. Come downstairs and get your cupcake.”

Cupcakes first thing in the morning? What a sin!

I mentally chastised myself while jumping out of bed and rushing through my morning routine.

“Liv, up so early today?” My roommate, Maya, raised an eyebrow.

I grinned: “My boyfriend got me a cupcake. Need anything brought up? I’ll grab it.”

Maya waved it off: “I can go myself.”

I insisted: “You got my delivery yesterday. It’s my turn.”

She stood up anyway: “Let’s go together. I use the stairs as my daily cardio.”

She’d been on medication that caused her to gain some weight and was quietly trying to lose it.

Since she said that, I didn’t push, and we went downstairs together.

Deliveries were on shelves near the dorm entrance. It was early, so few people were there. I quickly found the cakes—two of them—and the note was clear:

[One for my Little Deer, one for Little Deer’s roommate.]

I stared at the note and laughed, shaking the box at Maya: “My boyfriend is treating everyone.”

Maya took a look and let out a delighted shriek: “Thank you, Liv and her man! Is today a special anniversary? We’re so lucky to crash the party.”

I was surprised too. X rarely sent me food, and almost never shared with Maya. Did he ace a lab result last night? Was he just ecstatic?

I was about to message him when someone suddenly called my name: “Liv?”

I looked up and froze: “Sawyer.”

It was the Campus King.

He walked over quickly, his gaze briefly, carelessly landing on Maya beside me. He wrinkled his nose in a flash of distaste. Then he saw the cakes in her hand, and I thought I saw a flicker of…

Malicious delight?

I didn’t like his look and cut him off: “Sawyer, what’s up?”

Sawyer snapped out of it and cleared his throat: “Our club is having a big social event next weekend. It’s supposed to be fun. Want to come?”

I frowned slightly.

Didn’t Sawyer have a girlfriend? Why was he hitting on me?

Wait.

I remembered the forum post from that morning.

Sawyer had given his account away to someone he hated. So, was he… single now?

What a toxic way to become single.

I immediately refused: “Sorry, Sawyer. I’m meeting my boyfriend next weekend. I don’t have time.”

Sawyer’s expression tightened: “You have a boyfriend?”

I held my patience: “Yes. We’ve been together for a while.”

Ignoring his deepening frown, I grabbed Maya and walked away.

“Liv, you seem really cold to Sawyer,” Maya murmured, nudging me conspiratorially. “Didn’t he have a huge crush on you? Didn’t he post about you on the confession page?”

4

Calling a few vague compliments “chasing” me? That was barely above a public nuisance.

And since he was hitting on me while in an online relationship, it just confirmed his character was garbage.

Back in the dorm, I took professional-quality photos of the two cakes and sent them all to X.

[Thank you for the feast, Big Brother! Kiss~]

X replied almost instantly, focusing on a strange point: [Big Brother?]

I giggled and pressed the voice key: “Oops, slip of the tongue. Thank you for the feast, Boyfriend~”

X: [Say it again.]

I indulged him: “Boyfriend~”

The other side was silent for a few seconds, then Cash App notifications started exploding on my phone.

I watched the string of $52.00, $131.40, and $999.99 transfers and was shocked: [Have you lost it? Why are you sending me so much money?]

Keep in mind, we’d been dating for months, and he’d only sent me money once, on my birthday—a five-dollar and a twenty-dollar transfer, a weird version of a 520 (I love you).

X: [I’m so happy. My babe needs to be happy with me.]

I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. I was about to reply when he sent another message right after:

[Babe, I want to come see you sooner. Can I?]

My heart fluttered, and the corners of my mouth curved up: [How much sooner is ‘sooner’?]

He sent a screenshot of a train ticket: Departure time this Saturday, destination my city.

I noticed the booking time—6:03 AM this morning.

He had bought the ticket the moment the booking site opened.

I felt a rush of warmth and nervousness.

I checked the passenger name:

Kellan Stone.

Hmm, a nice name.

Seeing my delay in replying, he got anxious:

[Babe?]

[Is it too sudden?]

[Maybe we should stick to next week. Don’t be mad…]

How could I be mad?!

I quickly typed back:

[Not mad, just surprised.]

[Come! I’ll pick you up at the station (p≧w≦q)]

Kellan instantly relaxed, using my emoji style: [Yay! (^o^)/~]

What a dork.

I teased him in my head, but I couldn’t stop smiling.

After thinking for a moment, I asked: [Should we exchange pictures first? So we don’t miss each other?]

Kellan and I met playing an online game. We’d added each other on burner accounts, and neither of us had photos on our profiles.

Kellan didn’t reply.

Minutes ticked by, and I started to panic. Was he… hideous?

After a long internal debate, I sent another message: [At least let me know your height? Narrow the search?]

They say if a guy is six feet tall, he’ll let you know within three sentences.

Kellan still didn’t respond.

I felt a faint sense of dread rising. I could suddenly understand Sawyer Reed’s frustration!

Just when I was about to give up and try a video call, my phone vibrated. Kellan finally replied.