After I Died, He Followed

Postpartum depression engulfed me. All I wanted was to die. Eddy pulled me back from the edge, crying, “I’ll get you through this, Annie.” He worked days hunting killers and nights feeding our son. Every morning he drove me to therapy, his eyes hollow from exhaustion, but he never quit. One evening he came home to the baby screaming. I was in the corner, cutting my arm with a knife. He slapped me hard. “If you can’t be a mother, why have him?” he shouted. “You want to die? Here—” He pressed his service pistol under my chin. I just waited. Then the baby cried “Mama,” and something stirred in me. I reached for him. But another woman was faster. She held him gently. “Ma’am, maybe you shouldn’t be near the baby right now.” That’s when I met Eddy’s protégée — vibrant, capable, and natural with our son. Eddy looked at her the way he once looked at me. They were the family now. It was time for me to go.

1 Our son, Leo, had a fever. My mind was a fog all day. I hadn’t even managed to keep him properly covered. When I tried to check on him, Eddy pushed me away. “Just take care of yourself,” he said, his voice flat. He and his protégé, Ava, moved around the apartment like a well-oiled machine. One dressed Leo while the other packed a bag. They worked in perfect sync. I was the outsider. I stood there, invisible, as they walked out the door, went down the stairs, and drove away. There was no anger between them, just efficiency. Ava was a much better mother than I could ever be. If I died, Eddy could be with her, couldn’t he? Wouldn’t his life be so much easier? I remembered the bottle of sleeping pills. Eddy, afraid I’d swallow them all, had locked them in the highest cabinet. I dragged a stool over and started trying combinations for the lock. I vaguely recalled it was a birthday. Mine. Incorrect. Eddy’s. Incorrect. Leo’s. Still incorrect. I hesitated for a moment. Then I typed in Ava’s. It clicked open. But inside, there wasn’t a bottle of sleeping pills. It was a small vial of clear liquid. A poison. Next to it was a note in his friend’s handwriting: Three minutes to death after ingestion. The cause of death will look identical to a sleeping pill overdose, but it will be agonizing. Think carefully before you use it. I laughed. A hollow, broken sound. So… Eddy had been planning to kill me for a while now. But… why couldn’t I bring myself to hate him? For the past six months, I had watched him suffer, and my heart had ached for him. A star detective, a man who outwitted monsters, was now trapped fighting a different kind of battle at home. He had to care for a newborn and stop his wife from killing herself. I wanted to help him, to share the burden. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t fight the illness, the impulse. The only things keeping me alive were his tearful pleas and the sound of my son calling me “Mama.” Now, he didn’t want me alive anymore. And when Ava held him, Leo stopped crying. I could finally die in peace. Eddy, I hope you two will be happy. I swallowed the contents of the vial and lay down on our bed. A thought flickered through my dimming mind: dying here would traumatize them. I tried to get up, to move somewhere else, but my body wouldn’t respond. I pressed a hand to my mouth, trying to keep the blood from staining the sheets. Through the haze, I heard the front door open again. It was Ava. “I just came back for some of Leo’s clothes,” she called out, presumably on the phone with Eddy. “You focus on the case, sir. I’ve got him.” My muscles went completely slack.

2 Eddy didn’t come home until the next day. He was carrying a small box from my favorite bakery. “Annie?” he called out as he took off his shoes. Silence. He called my name again. Still nothing. The detective in him sensed something was wrong. He bolted to the cabinet and saw the open lock. “Annie…” His hand trembled as he reached for the door. “No… please, no…” He swung the cabinet open. The bottle of sleeping pills was sitting right there. Floating in the air above him, I froze. Sleeping pills? But I was sure it had been the vial of poison. He emptied the bottle into his palm and counted. Two were missing. He walked into the bedroom and saw the lump under the covers. A wave of relief washed over his face. He put the cake in the fridge, then collapsed onto the sofa, exhausted. I watched him and a strange, sad smile formed on my spectral lips. Maybe Eddy had wanted to kill me. But at some point, he must have changed his mind and swapped the poison back for the pills. The poison… Ava must have switched it. And then yesterday, when she came back for the clothes, she must have put the sleeping pills back, creating the perfect illusion. But… Why wasn’t I angry with her? I knew I was a terrible mother. A burden of a wife. All I did was cause trouble. If someone else could take care of the people I loved, I could only be grateful. I just hoped that when they had a new baby of their own, they wouldn’t forget mine.

3 Eddy had only been asleep for a little while when a call from the precinct jolted him awake. By the time he finished with his case and came home, it was already eight in the evening. Mrs. Gable, the old woman who ran the corner market, was pacing anxiously at the bottom of our apartment building. “Mrs. Gable?” he asked. Her face lit up with relief. “Oh, Eddy, thank goodness you’re back! Annie didn’t come by for groceries today. She’s not answering her phone or her texts.” She clutched her basket. “Is she… having another episode? I can’t get into the building. You have to go check on her!” “It’s okay, ma’am,” Eddy said, a relaxed smile on his face. “She’s not sick.” His next words hit me like a physical blow. “Her depression, it’s all an act.” “What?” I whispered, watching them. Mrs. Gable tightened her grip on her basket. “But she told me… she said she’d come by every day, and if she ever missed a day, I should come check on her.” Eddy took the grocery basket from her and paid for the contents. “She fooled us all, Mrs. Gable. Her medical records were forged. If my rookie hadn’t stumbled upon the original file while working a case, I’d still think she was seriously ill. She just doesn’t want to take care of the baby. From now on, you don’t need to worry about her.” I laughed, a silent, bitter laugh, as tears I could no longer shed streamed down my face. So that’s why. That’s why he’d said those awful things to me. As if I’d abandoned our child on purpose. As if my depression was my fault. It was because… He thought I was faking it. Eddy, couldn’t you see the scars on my body? Couldn’t you see the despair in my eyes? But… I closed my spectral eyes. It didn’t matter anymore. Ava just wanted Eddy. And I was just a weight dragging him down. Let him think I was pretending. As long as you can be happy, Eddy. As long as you both take care of our son. Mrs. Gable still looked hesitant. “But she didn’t seem like she was…” “It’s because we had a little fight,” Eddy interrupted smoothly. “I took on a new protégé, and she’s feeling jealous. Just acting out.” Mrs. Gable finally relaxed. She offered a few words of advice about how young couples should work through their problems and then left. Eddy walked inside. “Mrs. Gable brought today’s groceries. What do you feel like eating?” No response. “Leo’s stable at the hospital, by the way. You don’t have to worry.” Still no response. “Annie.” His tone sharpened. “Can you stop pretending? If you don’t want to raise him, I will. You can do whatever you want, I won’t stop you. Just stop torturing me and our son with this fake depression!” Silence. The grocery basket creaked in his tightening grip. “And don’t worry. As long as you’re not running off to meet a lover, I don’t care what you do!” The apartment remained deathly quiet. “Annie, have you lost your mind?!” He threw open the bedroom door. I was huddled under the covers. He seemed to remember I’d taken the sleeping pills. He slammed the door shut with a cold scoff. His phone rang. This time, it was Ava. “Sir, the power’s out at my place… I’m a little scared…” The anger vanished from Eddy’s face, replaced by a gentle smile. “A detective who’s afraid of the dark?” His tone was so tender. It was the same tone he used to use with me. I was afraid of the dark, too. I always needed him by my side during a blackout. Ava’s voice trembled slightly. “It’s not just the dark… I’m worried your wife might do something like last time… mess with my wiring and try to hurt me…” I stared, stunned. When had I ever done something like that? I looked at Eddy. He should know. Even before I got sick, I would never have done such a thing. But the way his hand tightened around his phone told me everything. He believed her. “Don’t worry,” he said, his voice soft. “She took some sleeping pills. She’s out cold. I won’t let her hurt you again.” “But…” Ava sounded shy. “I’m still a little scared of the dark. Sir, could you… could you come over?” Eddy chuckled. “For a reason like that? Of course.” He went to change his clothes. I smiled, a bitter, hollow expression. It’s okay. I know I’m just a source of trouble for everyone. Ava was just saying what she needed to say to get me out of the way. And I was already gone. Eddy just hadn’t found out yet. As long as they take care of my son after they get married, then none of this was in vain. Eddy came back into the bedroom. He was carrying a bowl of warm oatmeal. The room was dark. He placed it on the nightstand. So… he was worried I’d be hungry when I woke up. A sad smile touched my lips. But I’m never waking up, Eddy. All you have to do is pull back the covers. Then you’ll see my body, soaked in its own blood. No. I shook my head violently. That would be too horrible. It’s better if he never finds out.

4 I knew Eddy wasn’t just going to Ava’s place to keep her company. The look in his eyes when he was with her was the same one he’d once saved only for me. Still, watching her lean into his embrace sent a pang of something through my non-existent heart. In the dim light of her apartment, Ava pressed herself against his chest. “Sir… the truth is, I became a cop because of you.” Eddy, a man who always kept a professional distance from other women, wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her tight. “Thank you, Ava. Without you, I would have been trapped in her lies forever, never able to breathe.” “Then why don’t you divorce her?” Eddy’s body stiffened. He gently pushed her back a little. “I’m afraid she’ll hurt you.” “I don’t mind getting hurt.” “But I do!” In the darkness, their eyes met. Ava started to cry, her shoulders shaking as she buried her face in his chest. A bitter smile formed on my lips. Don’t worry, Eddy. I approve. You have my blessing. The next morning, Ava left early. She arranged for a car to pick Leo up from the hospital. But she didn’t bring him home. I understood. How could I possibly take care of a child? And Ava had to work. So she took him to a relative’s house. As Eddy was leaving for work, he asked her, “How’s Leo?” “Don’t worry, he’s doing great at the hospital. Just a few more days and he’ll be ready to come home.” My head snapped up. Eddy smiled. “Thank you for taking care of him these past few days.” Wait… Didn’t she just pick him up? I tried to grab Eddy, to stop him, but my ghostly form passed right through him. “Eddy! Leo isn’t at the hospital! She took him!” I screamed, trailing helplessly behind him. “Eddy, just go to the hospital, you’ll see!” But Eddy just reached out and gently brushed Ava’s hair. “This new case is a tough one, I can’t look after Leo properly. I’m so glad I have you. I can really count on you. Once we crack this illegal drug manufacturing case, I’ll take you out to dinner.” “Oh, sir,” Ava said, patting his hand. “You know I’m not doing it for a dinner.” Eddy’s breath hitched. They were both adults. They knew what she meant. But he didn’t pull away. I was practically weeping. “Eddy! She’s lying! Go find our son!” As her car pulled away, I saw Ava’s sweet smile curdle and disappear. As soon as Eddy got to his office, the phone rang. It was the hospital. My eyes widened. “Is it about Leo? Are they calling to say he’s missing? Eddy, pick up! You need to know!” “Hello?” he answered. A familiar voice came through the line. “Mr. Hayes, Mrs. Hayes has missed her follow-up appointment for the second day in a row. With her severe suicidal tendencies, I’m worried. Is she alright?” “Doctor, she’s faking it.” The doctor paused. “That’s impossible.” “Doctor, please, can you stop helping her deceive me?” Eddy sighed, sitting in front of a mountain of case files. “My people found the original copy of your diagnosis. I have no intention of pressing charges for bribery or falsifying medical records, but I’d appreciate it if you stopped helping her cause trouble for me.” “Mr. Hayes, you’ve misunderstood. We gave the diagnosis directly to you. Your wife’s condition is—” “Are you testing me? Do you think I won’t have you arrested?” That shut the doctor up. After a moment of hesitation, he asked tentatively, “So… Mrs. Hayes is alright?” “She took some sleeping pills. She’s sleeping it off,” Eddy snapped. The doctor sounded relieved. “Oh, good.” I stared at the phone, waiting desperately for the pediatrics department to call. But the call never came. Not all day. An unseen force bound me to Eddy, pulling me along wherever he went. I followed him home. When he opened the door, the trash was still there from the day he took Leo to the hospital. Maggots were squirming in the bag, and a foul stench filled the air. The apartment was covered in a layer of dust. His face contorted with rage. “Annie! You’re not sick! Why are you still pretending? You can’t even be bothered to take out the trash?” Silence. He angrily gathered the trash and threw it outside the front door. I didn’t appear. “Annie, do I have to shove your real diagnosis in your face before you’ll stop this charade?” The bedroom remained silent. “What, are you mad that I didn’t come home last night? You lied to me, made me run around like an idiot, terrified you were going to kill yourself. I gave up a promotion for you, and I haven’t blamed you for that. What right do you have to be mad at me?” Still nothing. “Annie!” He threw the bedroom door open. The bowl of oatmeal on the nightstand was dried up, untouched. “Annie?” A terrible premonition began to creep into his heart. He ripped the covers off the bed. His pupils shrank to pinpricks. I stared at the bed, and a gasp I couldn’t make escaped me.