Heading Toward the Sun

1 I took in my best friend, Sophie. She was homeless, with a history of self-harm, and I couldn’t just leave her on the street. Liam, my boyfriend, was dead set against it. In his eyes, our life together—our private world for two—was infinitely more important than Sophie’s survival. But after endless pleading on my part, he finally caved. Once Sophie moved in, the two of them were the picture of caution. They practically had “KEEP YOUR DISTANCE” tattooed on their foreheads, avoiding any possibility of being alone together. But Sophie stayed for six months. And six months is long enough to change a person. It was long enough for Liam to decorate our apartment with a sea of flowers and balloons to celebrate my best friend’s birthday while I was away on a business trip. It was long enough to make me, road-weary and exhausted from rescheduling my flight just to get home to him, look like a complete and utter fool. I tore through the room, popping balloons with my fingernails, smashing vases of flowers, reducing their carefully crafted celebration to ruins. All I got from Liam was a cold, hard command. “Enough, Audrey! She has depression. You can’t provoke her like this.” I stared at them, my world tilting on its axis. One was the man I was supposed to marry. The other, my best friend of fourteen years. And standing before them, I was the idiot who hadn’t seen a thing. … “What are you doing?” Liam sat on the edge of our bed, his voice tight with restraint as he watched me tear our bedroom apart. “Oh, just counting the condoms,” I said, my voice unnervingly light. “Making sure none are missing.” “One… two… three…” The only sounds in the silent room were my own neurotic counting and the ragged, suppressed breaths coming from Liam. “Audrey, I’m going to explain this one last time,” he ground out. “I was about to leave for work today when I saw Sophie. She was in a daze, about to swallow a handful of pills. I did something to distract her, to keep your friend from ending up in the ER.” “All I did was celebrate her birthday with her. That’s it! Nothing else happened. No lines were crossed. Do you understand me?!” Is that so? I stopped my frantic search and asked softly, “You didn’t want to, or you just didn’t get the chance?” “If I hadn’t changed my flight, if I hadn’t come back early… would you two be in our bed right now?” Liam shot to his feet. He towered over me, his presence a heavy, suffocating weight. “There are no ‘what ifs’,” he said, each word a block of ice. “Audrey, don’t paint us with such a filthy brush.” I stared at him, the tears I’d been holding back for hours finally spilling over, hot and bitter. But this time, there was no familiar look of heartache on his face, no rush to apologize. He just turned away, his expression cold as stone. Our relationship had always been so solid. Six years together, and I could count the number of fights we’d had on one hand. And every single time, he was the first to give in. But today, he was here, screaming at me, tearing me apart… for my friend. “You two make me sick,” I spat. He let out a short, humorless laugh, as if I’d told a joke. “Sick? Did we do something so shameful? Audrey, what the hell do you want from me? Haven’t you vented enough since you got back? It’s been six hours, from six to midnight, all over some paranoid fantasy in your head! When will it end?!” It will never end. The image of what I saw when I opened that door was seared into my mind, a nauseating lump in my throat. The lights were dim, romantic. They were sitting shoulder-to-shoulder, the wall behind them adorned with a heart-shaped collage of roses and balloons spelling out “HAPPY BIRTHDAY.” Sophie’s eyes were closed as she made a wish, a ridiculous paper crown perched on her head. And my boyfriend, my Liam, was staring at her, his gaze unwavering, a soft, gentle smile playing on his lips. How was I supposed to believe that was nothing? The front door slammed open, then shut. In the wreckage of our living room, a note left by Sophie stood out starkly. I’m gone. Please don’t fight because of me. She was gone, but her things were still in the guest room. Liam let out a ragged breath, crumpled the note in his fist, and instinctively moved to go after her. I grabbed his sleeve. “Where are you going? What does she have to do with you?” He looked down at me, his brow furrowed in disbelief. “It’s one in the morning, Audrey. You’re just going to let her walk out alone? What if she does something stupid?” His words were a physical blow, a sharp, stabbing pain in my chest that left me breathless. Sophie had been living with us for six months, and her emotional breakdowns were a regular occurrence. I’d lost count of the number of nights I’d thrown on a coat and begged Liam to help me find her. And what did he say back then? He’d said, “Your friend is seriously messed up. Just because she’s miserable, does she have to drag everyone else down with her?” He’d said, “What do I care if she lives or dies?” “She’s my friend. Please, just help me this once.” He’d finally pulled on his jacket with a dark scowl. “Make sure she knows I’m only doing this for you. This is the last time.” And now? Now he was saying: “She’s your friend, Audrey. How can you be so cold-hearted?” He ripped his arm from my grasp. “You need to calm down. Go look at yourself in the mirror.” His voice dropped, laced with disgust. “The way you look right now… it’s hideous.” The sound of the door slamming shut was like a slap across my face. The tears flowed freely now. This was the home Liam and I had built together with love, the place we were going to get married in. Now it was empty, cavernous, with only me inside. A notification lit up my phone. It was the recruiter I’d turned down a few weeks ago. Audrey, are you sure you want to pass on this opportunity? The salary and benefits we’re offering are significantly better than your current position. Are you sure you don’t want to reconsider? The reason I’d given him for refusing was simple: My love and my friend are here. I have no plans to move to a new city. But now… My fingers flew across the screen. Yes. I’ll take the job.

2 After sending the message, I stood in the living room for a long time, the emotional rollercoaster of the night leaving me utterly drained. I looked around blankly. The cozy, warm space we had created was now a disaster zone of my own making. The half-eaten birthday cake was smashed on the floor, cream splattered everywhere—on the rug, the sofa… and on Liam. I remembered it clearly now. The moment I’d picked up the cake, he had instinctively moved to shield Sophie. He’d taken the full force of it, ending up a mess, but he had kept her perfectly pristine. The more I remembered, the deeper the pain cut. Six years. Liam and I had been together for six years. Everyone in our lives knew that all it would take was a proposal, and we would seamlessly step into the next chapter of our lives together. He’d even set aside the money for our future—the rings, the down payment—in an account that I managed. So why? Why would the friend I’d known for fourteen years do this to me? Hadn’t I been good enough to her? Her mother died giving birth to her. Her father was a monster who either beat her or screamed at her, and to make things worse, he’d brought home a stepmother with a heart full of poison. When she was starving, I shared my meals with her. When her stepmother kicked her out after a fight, I was the one who gave her a place to stay. Throughout college, the slightest hint of sadness from her would have me dropping everything to be by her side, to talk her through it. Six months ago, when she lost her job and had no income, no savings, I cleared out our guest room for her without a second thought. Even though she’d been living off me ever since, eating my food, using my things, I never once complained. As a friend, I had done everything I possibly could. So why would she do this to me? How could she do this to me? My mind was stuck in a loop of ‘why’ and ‘how could she,’ a relentless, maddening mantra. The dual betrayal from my partner and my best friend was like quicksand, dragging me down into a bottomless abyss of filth and despair. A familiar ringtone jolted me from my trance. It was Sophie. Her tear-choked voice came through the phone. “Audrey, Liam was just helping me celebrate my birthday. I swear, nothing happened between us.” “If you have to blame someone, blame me.” “It’s my fault. I’m the one who should be dead. I shouldn’t have had a breakdown today!” “Audrey, please, can you forgive me?” I was silent for a long time, my nails digging into my palms. She still hadn’t answered my real questions. Seven hours ago, during our three-way confrontation, I had screamed at her like a madwoman. “Why did you read my texts and not reply? Why did you need my boyfriend to comfort you before you could feel better?” “You’ve been living like a ghost in my apartment, always trying to stay out of the way. But somehow, in the three days I was gone on my trip, you managed to leave your personal belongings scattered everywhere!” Her underwear was on the sofa, her half-eaten snacks on the coffee table, her lipstick in our bathroom… she had saturated my home with her presence. Through the phone, I could hear the wind whipping around her. Finally, I just asked, “Sophie… when did things change between you two?” Her sobbing hitched for a second. Then, I heard her shriek, a raw, uncontrolled sound. “Audrey, I’m so sorry! I’ll pay for it with my life, okay?! Is that what you want?!” “Sophie, don’t be a fool!” That was Liam’s voice. It sounded like Sophie’s phone clattered to the ground. After a burst of sharp static, I heard her whisper, her voice filled with a strange, breathless wonder. “It’s so good… you found me again.”

3 I don’t remember how I survived that chaotic, disgusting night. I only know that Liam never came back. And the December nights were so, so cold. I wrapped myself in the thickest blanket, but the chill seeped in from all sides, freezing me to the bone. I barely slept, my mind a battlefield of conflicting thoughts. I had already decided to leave, but I couldn’t stomach the idea of just handing everything over to them. Why should I be the one to give up everything, while their only consequence was… losing me? “Audrey, what’s wrong? You look terrible.” a colleague remarked with a teasing smile. “Did you leave your soul behind on your business trip?” I forced a stiff smile and listened to their idle chatter. They were discussing a novel, talking about the undying love between the main characters. “No matter where the heroine is, the hero can always find her instantly. If that’s not love, what is?” My hand froze mid-motion as I was filling my mug. The little details I’d brushed aside now came flooding back, each one a sharp, painful realization. I remembered the first few times Sophie had a breakdown. Liam had been so reluctant to help, grumbling and complaining until I coaxed him out of the house. But then, somewhere along the line, that changed. He started being the first one to grab his jacket. Our joint searches became more “efficient” solo missions. He’d go one way, I’d go the other. I would call her name until my throat was raw, dialing her number endlessly with no answer. But Liam… Liam could always find her. He’d effortlessly pull her out from some dark corner, some hidden alleyway. They said it was a coincidence. I didn’t question it. I didn’t have the energy to question it. Seeing Sophie standing there, safe, was all that mattered. I was just grateful. Grateful that she was okay, and grateful that Liam was there to find her when I couldn’t. What else had I missed? Oh, right. Sophie’s breakfast. It started as a special treat just for me. Then it became, “Oops, I accidentally made too much,” and Liam would conveniently finish the leftovers. The three of us watching a movie at home, a scene I found completely boring would make both of them burst into laughter at the exact same moment. … How could I have been so stupid? Blinded by what I thought was love and friendship. A complete and utter fool. “Audrey! The water’s overflowing!” Scalding water splashed onto the back of my hand. The pain registered a moment too late. Blisters were already forming on my skin. After a quick rinse under cold water, I told my boss I needed to leave and went to the hospital. Lancing the blisters hurt like hell. But you have to drain the poison for a wound to heal. As I watched the doctor work, my gaze steady, I dialed the number for a moving company. Even if I was leaving, I refused to let Sophie simply waltz in and become the new mistress of my home. Poison like that deserved to be exposed, to fester and rot in the open.

4 Just after my hand was bandaged, I saw two familiar figures down the hospital corridor. It was Liam and Sophie. I followed them, an uncontrollable impulse, and watched as Liam expertly navigated her through the check-in process for a follow-up appointment. The staff in the psychiatry department already knew them well. Two nurses were murmuring to each other. “He’s so good to his girlfriend. So patient. He’s never missed one of her weekly appointments.” “I know, right? Depression is so hard to treat. I honestly thought they’d break up by now, but he’s stuck by her.” My feet froze to the floor. A mixture of rage and grief twisted my voice. “They come here every week?” I asked them. “Yeah, rain or shine. Last month, during that huge storm, the parking lot was completely flooded. We were all betting they wouldn’t show. But then we looked up, and there he was, carrying his girlfriend on his back, not even letting her feet touch the water.” I remembered that storm. It was impossible to get a cab, and I didn’t have an umbrella. I called Liam, asking him to pick me up. He told me he had to work late. So this was the “work” he was doing. If I hadn’t come to the hospital on a workday, I would have never discovered their secret. What else? What else was there between them that I didn’t know? Anger was a smoldering ember that had never truly been extinguished. All it took was a few stray words from a stranger to make it roar back to life. A vicious thought took root in my mind. I strode forward and called out, my voice loud and clear. “Liam. Shouldn’t you be at work? What are you doing at the hospital with my friend?” The hallway fell silent. The two nurses stared, their eyes darting between the three of us. Sophie’s face went deathly pale. “I… I wasn’t feeling well, so…” she stammered. “So you called my boyfriend to keep you company?” I jabbed a finger at her chest. “This sweater? I bought this for you with my very first paycheck.” I grabbed her purse. “And this bag? This was your Christmas present from me last year.” Every word was forced through clenched teeth. “You eat my food, wear my clothes, and sleep with my boyfriend. Have you no shame?” My gaze snapped to Liam. “Do either of you have any shame?!” I must have looked insane. Hair a mess, eyes bloodshot, like a wild woman who had lost all control. Liam wouldn’t even look at me. He was too busy comforting a trembling Sophie, holding her so close he might as well have been cradling her. Only after a doctor led Sophie into an examination room did he grab my wrist, his grip like iron, and drag me into an empty stairwell. “Are you trying to kill her?! She almost jumped off a bridge last night, did you know that?” A mocking laugh escaped my lips. “Well, she’s not dead yet, is she? She pulls this stunt every time she wants attention. How many times has she threatened to kill herself and actually gone through with it? It’s all an act! She just does it to get to you!” My voice rose to a shriek, but Liam’s slap cut me short. My head snapped to the side, my cheek throbbing with a dull, numb pain. His hand was trembling, but his voice was chillingly calm. “Get a grip, Audrey.” Who was the one who needed to get a grip? The look he gave me was devoid of any warmth, so cold it could freeze the blood in my veins. I viciously wiped away a tear and turned on my heel. By the time I drove home, the movers were already there. I threw open the door to the guest room and watched as they packed every single one of Sophie’s belongings into boxes. A twisted sense of satisfaction washed over me. See? As long as I was here, this was my home. She could stay if I wanted her to. And if I didn’t, she could get the hell out. Once the room was completely empty, I took a picture and sent it to both Liam and Sophie, a blatant act of provocation. Sophie didn’t reply, but Liam called almost immediately. “Wait for me. We need to talk.” Fine. We’ll talk. I started calculating my investment in our home, putting six years of love on a scale to see what it was worth to Liam. The last sliver of daylight vanished from the sky before he finally came back. He walked in, went straight to the balcony, and lit a cigarette in silence. I scrolled through my phone mechanically, the volume turned up loud. The cheerful background music from a video filled the space, a stark contrast to the suffocating tension between us. This was a first for us. This heavy, crushing silence. He stubbed out his cigarette and came to stand in front of me. He gently unwrapped the gauze from my hand and began to apply fresh ointment to the burns. Then, out of nowhere, he said, “Let’s get married.”