My Peace Offer, His Agony

After I was the one to break the silence between us, I saw the box of ultra-thins in Alex’s passenger seat. I quietly put them away for him, saying nothing. Alex shot me a complicated look and offered an explanation. “Look again. The whole box is there. We just ran out of the ones at home.” I hummed in acknowledgment, feigning sleep in the uncomfortable seat. He didn’t speak again until he pulled the car over to the side of the road, his voice soft. “Let’s pick up some supplements. We’ll go to your family’s home for New Year’s and visit your mom.” I couldn’t hold back the tears. I turned my back to him. My mother was dead. And he still didn’t know.

1 “Ava? Are you listening to me?” Alex’s voice hardened, a familiar pressure in his tone. My own voice was raspy. “There’s no need.” There’s no need to go back. Not ever again. He misunderstood. He leaned over, trying to see my face. “Are you angry? “Please, just trust me, okay? Here, you can count them if you want.” He opened the box and tipped out all the condoms. His eyes held a look of weary indulgence, as if he were dealing with a petulant child. I wiped my tears and looked over. “I’m really not angry.” Alex leaned in and hugged me, sighing. “You say you’re not angry. “But you’ve been wanting me to go back with you, haven’t you? “It’s New Year’s, and for once, I don’t have any work events. “If we miss this chance, who knows when the next one will be.” His hand gently rubbed my back, just like he always did. But I felt nothing. I numbly pushed him away and nodded. “Okay. Let’s go, then.” The last thing my mother had said was that her son-in-law was too busy with work; she hadn’t even gotten to see him. If Alex had time on New Year’s, it would be good for him to pay his respects. After all, once we were divorced, there would be no reason to ask him to go again. I ordered a lot of things online, mostly offerings for her grave. I was worried about inflation in the afterlife and wanted to make sure she had enough. But on New Year’s Day, Alex didn’t come home.

2 It was as if I’d expected it. I calmly accepted that he might not make the train. I took a taxi to the station by myself. He didn’t call until the train was already pulling away from the platform. “I’m sorry, something came up here. “Can you change your ticket? We could leave tonight instead.” I watched the scenery blur past the window and swallowed my tears. “Don’t worry about it. I’ve already left.” I couldn’t even be bothered to ask why. But he explained anyway. “This time it really isn’t because of Sophie. “A project we already settled had a last-minute issue. I really thought I could make it back in time. “Ava, don’t be like this.” I don’t know what in my calm voice made him think I was being difficult. “I know you’re busy,” I said evenly. “You can come tomorrow.” One more day doesn’t matter. It’s fine. Alex breathed a sigh of relief. “Wait for me, okay? When I get there, I’ll make that lamb stew for your mom. “She always said how much she loved my cooking. It’s been a few years since she’s had it. “This time, I’ll definitely…” “I’m tired. I’m going to get some sleep.” I cut off his happy planning, the tears finally streaming down my face. I wanted to scream. She can’t eat it! Where were you before? But I was just… tired. I didn’t want to fight. We had fought so much that I was exhausted. It made me feel like I had no self-respect, like I was pathetically begging for his attention. It was enough if he just came. If he came and paid his respects, so my mother could see him. That was all I asked. A small return for all the years my mother had practically raised him. A small return for the boy I’d taken in, who had eaten at our table almost every day for over a decade. But I had overestimated him.

3 My uncle’s face fell when he saw I had come home alone again. That evening, my aunt gently prodded. “Are you and Alex fighting? “Your mother sensed something was wrong when she was in the hospital, you know. She just didn’t say anything because she didn’t want to upset you. “You need to rein in that temper of yours. With your parents gone, your husband is all you have to rely on. “The most important thing now is to have a baby.” I listened quietly and told her Alex would be there tomorrow. “His business hasn’t been doing well the last few years, so he has a lot of work events,” I explained. “He wanted to come when Mom was in the hospital, too. Don’t worry, we’re fine.” I didn’t want my family to know I was planning to divorce him. I didn’t have the energy to deal with their attempts to mediate. But I never expected Alex to break his promise again. In the morning, he told me he was on his way to the station. My uncle slaughtered the chicken he’d been raising for a year. My aunt went to the market at dawn. “It’s good he’s coming. He didn’t even show up for your mother’s funeral. The whole village thought he’d abandoned you. “This will shut them up. “You two should come back more often.” My aunt chattered away as she bustled around the kitchen. But after the table was laden with food, Alex didn’t answer any of my calls. “Let’s just eat,” I said, forcing the words out. I looked at my aunt and uncle, my chest tight with guilt. They exchanged a look and nodded. “Yes, yes, let’s eat before it gets cold.” “I’ll go get your cousins to come over. We can’t finish all this food ourselves.” “They can go with you up the mountain later.” My aunt hurried to get more bowls and chopsticks. In the winter air, the food on the table was already lukewarm. I fought back tears, my smile feeling stiff and unnatural. My uncle suddenly sat down beside me and ruffled my hair. “You were always a strong-willed child. You should do what you want to do. “If your father were here, he wouldn’t want to see you this unhappy. “Our home is always your home. You still have family, you know. Don’t listen to your aunt. You should live for yourself.” I managed a watery smile at him and excused myself to the bathroom. I only came out after I had stopped crying. My aunt and uncle were in the kitchen, reheating the dishes. Just then, my phone rang. It was Alex.

4 “She’s in the hospital. In surgery. “It’s life or death, Ava. I can’t just leave her. “Tomorrow. I’ll come tomorrow and pick you all up. “We can bring Mom back to the city with us for a few days.” I listened numbly, a storm of emotion churning inside me. I didn’t want to get angry. My mother always used to say: “Ava, honey, don’t get upset so easily. It’s not worth it. “Just live a quiet, peaceful life. “Turn a blind eye, and the years will pass. “Look at me. I used to have so many complaints about your father, but after he passed, all I can remember are the good things.” But Alex… he was pushing me too far. “You don’t have to come. I have something to discuss with you when I get back.” I hung up before he could reply. He called again. I declined it. Then the texts started. [Stop being unreasonable. Just wait for me.] [If she had anyone else to help her, she wouldn’t have called me.] [She wanted to apologize to you for last time. I’m the one who didn’t let her.] [You know what your temper is like, Ava. I was afraid you’d hit her again.] [Can’t we just live our lives in peace? Why do you have to throw a fit over every little thing?] He sent a flood of messages. I skimmed a few. My cousins had arrived. I turned off my phone and ignored him. The meal was a somber affair. Later, at my mother’s grave, my cousins waited for me at a respectful distance. I sat on the cold ground, staring at her photograph, and the tears started to fall. There was so much I wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come. Just before I left, I finally whispered to her. “I’m sorry. I lost that son-in-law you liked so much. “You won’t blame me, will you, Mom?” A gust of wind rustled the trees, brushing my cheek like a gentle caress. I choked back my tears, turned, and walked down the mountain without looking back.

5 The next day, I took the train back to the city. On the ride, the divorce agreement I’d had my lawyer draft arrived in my email. I reviewed it carefully, requesting a few minor changes. I didn’t ask for the company. I had other plans for that. But I demanded all of our cash assets and real estate. It was an eight-figure sum. I never expected to run into Alex at the train station. We stared at each other. Standing beside him was Sophie, the woman who was supposedly in surgery just yesterday. It clearly hadn’t been a life-or-death operation. She was on her feet, wearing a full face of natural-looking makeup, looking perfectly fine. Sophie’s eyes were red, as if she were on the verge of tears. “Don’t blame him,” she said quickly. “I’m the one who insisted he come and find you. “Of course, I know a wife is more important than a friend. “I only called him because I thought he was free for the holiday. “I didn’t know he was supposed to be visiting your family. He didn’t want to worry me, so he kept it a secret. I’m so, so sorry. “You’re not going to blame him, are you?” Alex snapped out of his shock and instinctively moved to shield Sophie behind him. I had hit her once. Ever since then, he never let me get near her. Now, his voice was low and heavy. “This is my fault. Don’t take it out on her.” Watching them, I was struck by how perfectly they complemented each other. I nodded and looked at Sophie. “Since you’re here, why don’t you both come over?” She looked surprised. Alex frowned. I looked back at Alex, my tone teasing. “What’s the matter? I thought there was nothing between you two. “If you’re just friends, are you scared to bring her home?” I started walking, and they followed. “You don’t have to speak like that,” Alex muttered from behind me. “It’s ugly. “She’s just a young girl. You scared her last time. Of course she doesn’t want to come to our house.” I stopped and looked past him at Sophie. Our eyes met, and a triumphant, challenging smirk played on her lips. “Since your sister invited me, of course I’ll come,” she said sweetly. I turned my gaze back to Alex. “Be a man, Alex. The ‘young girl’ is braver than you are.”

6 As soon as we got home, I went to the study. I printed out the divorce agreement, bound it, and brought it out to the living room, handing it to Alex. “Read this. If there are no issues, sign it. “You can take your things and leave with her today. “My mother invested twenty thousand in your company when you started. I don’t want the shares. “But all our marital assets, the cash and the properties, are mine. Everything except the company.” I said it all in one breath. Alex’s expression shifted from shock to fury. “Are you insane? “Does your mother know about this? “You went through all this just to do this? There’s a limit to these tantrums.” I looked down, my voice flat. “I’ve already informed her. “What mother doesn’t want her child to be happy? “She was good to you because she wanted you to be good to me. No matter how much she liked you, she would never choose you over her own daughter. “So you don’t have to worry about what she thinks.” I glanced at Sophie. She could barely contain her glee, her eyes fixed on Alex, full of victorious certainty. I smiled and continued. “Now that we’ve reached this point, you don’t really think my mother would still be on your side, do you?” Alex grew even angrier. “What else did you tell her? “How many times do I have to say it? Nothing happened between me and Sophie!” I threw the papers at his face. “Does it only count if you sleep with her? “Who did you adjust your passenger seat for? “Our anniversary, my birthday, my mother’s birthday… “Which of those special days this year did you not spend with her? “Are all of her friends and relatives dead? “She needs you, a married man who has nothing to do with her, to sit with her through a minor surgery? “Alex, we’re not idiots. Stop treating me like one.” My voice started out calm, but by the end, it was trembling. But Alex just repeated, his face cold, “I am not getting a divorce!” He added, “Your mom would be heartbroken!” I couldn’t help it. I screamed. “My mother is dead! How could she be heartbroken?”