Mutual Stealing

At a welcome-back dinner, my girlfriend’s guy best friend, Cody, tossed the cilantro he didn’t want into her bowl for the fifth time. I was about to flip the table when a series of comments materialized in the air before me. [The MC is so petty. The second male lead just doesn’t like cilantro. What’s the big deal if he gives it to his bestie?] [The FL really just sees him as a friend. It’s the MC who’s being dramatic and insecure.] [It’s fine. Later, when the MC gives himself an ulcer from all the stress, the clueless FL will start groveling to win him back. That’s the good part.] I paused. Then, I picked up a piece of mushroom and placed it in the bowl of my girlfriend’s other best friend, Sloane. The comment feed went even crazier. [Oh no, he has no idea the second female lead has been brainwashing herself that stealing someone else’s man for love isn’t shameful at all.]

1 The day Cody arrived at Northwood University for his freshman year, my girlfriend, Sophia, insisted on throwing a “best friends” get-together to introduce him to her circle. At the dinner table, for the fifth time, right in front of me, Cody meticulously picked the cilantro out of his bowl and dropped it into Sophia’s. “Man, it’s so much better eating at your place,” he sighed. “Your mom never uses cilantro, saves me the trouble.” Sophia just laughed and playfully chided him. “You’ve been the pickiest eater I know since we were kids.” “Hey, you’re one to talk,” he retorted. “Our mom told me to keep an eye on you, make sure you stop staying up all night and actually eat your vegetables.” Their easy banter created a bubble around them, an impenetrable atmosphere that no one else could enter. Especially me. A nerve in my temple started to throb. Wasn’t this the classic manipulative nice-guy routine? Just as I was about to lose my temper, my vision blurred, and that dense wall of text appeared again. [Seriously, this MC’s jealous personality is so unlikable. The guy just doesn’t like cilantro. What’s wrong with giving it to his best friend?] [The MC is just insecure. He can’t stand their decade-long friendship, so he’s always misinterpreting things and starting fights.] [Don’t worry, it gets good later. He’ll get so worked up he leaves, and then the clueless FL will have to chase him down. Only then will he finally believe she loves him.] So, that’s me. The petty, jealous main character. It’s my fault for misreading these totally innocent, not-at-all-manipulative actions? In the middle of their playful bickering, Cody reached his hand directly into the pocket of Sophia’s jacket. “Let’s see if you’ve been a good girl and kept tissues on hand for me like I told you to.” He pulled out a single hair tie. With a look of disgust, he tossed it aside. My breath caught in my throat. But a new wave of comments made me second-guess myself again. [See? The MC is about to misunderstand again. If you ask me, the only reason the main couple got together in the first place is thanks to the second male lead.] Sophia and I met in high school. I was playing basketball, drenched in sweat. She walked right up to me, stopped me, and nervously pulled a pack of tissues from her pocket to hand to me. It was only then that I realized how soaked my shirt was. Seeing me stare at the packet, she explained, “My best friend always makes me carry them.” At the time, I just thought it was a cute, thoughtful habit girls had. It wasn’t until today that I realized the loud, drama-binging, supposedly tomboyish “best friend” she always talked about was a guy. And that the pack of tissues that brought us together… was Cody’s idea. [Our guy Cody is basically Cupid. He sets up a bunch of other couples later, too.] [So the MC really needs to chill with the jealousy.] A sick feeling, like I’d swallowed a fly, settled in my stomach. Apparently, the acceptable boundaries for friendships between men and women had expanded to the size of the Pacific Ocean. Noticing my dark expression, Cody pulled his hand back, feigning an apology. “Hey, man, don’t mind us. We’ve always been like this. It’s just our dynamic.” Sophia glanced at me, then tried to smooth things over. “He knows how close we are. He’s not going to get bent out of shape over a piece of cilantro, are you?” A cold laugh escaped my lips. “Yeah, you’re right. It’s no big deal. This is totally normal, isn’t it?” Just casually sharing food and draping arms around each other in front of me. Just dropping ambiguous, flirty comments. If the comment feed said it was normal and I was the one with the problem, then who was I to argue? I wasn’t about to waste my breath explaining the concept of boundaries or emotional affairs to them. But I’ve always had a rebellious streak. If this was their definition of normal, then it was normal for me, too. I leaned over, picked up a piece of mushroom with my chopsticks, and placed it in the bowl of the girl sitting next to me, Sloane, who had been quietly scrolling on her phone.

2 The entire table froze. Sophia stared at the mushroom in Sloane’s bowl, her smile vanishing. “What are you doing, giving it to her?” I shot back a cold smile of my own. “What’s the matter? I’m just giving some food to a friend. Isn’t that totally normal?” I turned to Sloane, who had been practically invisible for the whole dinner. I’d only made the move after noticing her plate was empty. But when she looked up at me, a flicker of unease went through me. I couldn’t read her expression, but I could read the exploding comment feed. [NOOO, what is the MC doing, provoking her?!] [YES! Team Sloane, we have a chance!] [I object! Everyone knows she only got close to the FL to steal her boyfriend! This scheming witch better not ruin the main couple’s relationship.] [That’s why she’s always telling herself it’s not shameful to be a homewrecker for love.] Wait, what? Sloane and I had barely spoken more than a few words to each other. I just knew she was usually around whenever Sophia and I went out. She seemed like a good friend to her. I couldn’t imagine a word like “homewrecker” ever being associated with her. Cody put on a show of sudden realization. “Oh, I see. My bad, bro. You are upset. You’re just doing this to make Sophia jealous.” He nudged Sophia. “Go on, you’d better go appease your little boyfriend. And if you play a few rounds of games with me tonight, I’ll forgive you for ditching your best friend for a guy.” Before I could say a word, Sloane, who had been silent all night, let out a soft, sharp laugh. “He gave me a mushroom. What’s the big deal? You’re all being a little oversensitive.” That one light, airy sentence wiped the smiles off their faces. Sophia stood up. “It’s only normal between best friends. Since when were you two so close?” Sloane, who had already finished her meal, slowly picked up the mushroom and ate it. “We’re all friends here,” she said coolly. “No need to draw lines.” I could see Sophia was about two seconds away from flipping the table herself. But I had to admit, it felt incredibly satisfying. Turns out, the knife only hurts when it’s sticking in your own back.

3 The rest of the meal was painfully awkward. On the way back to the dorms, Cody pressed up against Sophia, his arm casually slung around her shoulder. “Same rules as always,” he said. “One-v-one match. You lose, you come to my dorm and make my bed.” Sophia glanced back at me. I knew she was still fuming about what happened at dinner. Usually, whenever we argued, she’d go completely silent. She wouldn’t do anything or go anywhere until I caved and told her I wasn’t mad anymore. Anyone else would have called her whipped, always putting me before anything else. But this time, I was too tired to argue. Her definition of friendship was clearly on another planet from mine. And like the comments said, I had no right to question it. So I just shrugged. “Go if you want to.” Sophia hesitated for a second. “You said it, not me.” Cody cheered. “Awesome! Thanks for the help, Soph!” His singsong voice grated on my nerves. Just then, Sloane, walking beside me, spoke up. “Ryan, are you free tonight? We’re short-staffed for the welcome week concert. Could you lend a hand?” I was confused. Weren’t all the volunteer spots filled weeks ago? Still, I nodded. “Yeah, I’m free.” Sloane let out a soft laugh, her voice suddenly taking on a playful, exaggerated drawl. “Well then, thanks for the help, senior~” I just stared at her.

4 Northwood’s welcome week concert was always a huge event. Some couples would even get on stage to sing a duet and show off. I remembered just a week ago, Sophia had been hugging me, excitedly telling me she was going to perform my favorite song, complete with a slideshow of our pictures she’d made herself. But now… I’d already gotten word that she’d changed her song. As I looked toward the stage, I saw Cody adjusting her bowtie. “You’re hopeless,” he teased. “You can’t even tie a bowtie. You expect me to fix it for you on your wedding day, too?” Sophia shot back with a grin, “You haven’t even found some poor soul to put up with you yet, and you’re already worried about me? Call me your queen and maybe I’ll put in a good word for you on stage.” Cody immediately twisted her ear, scolding her playfully. I had no desire to intervene. I just leaned against a wall in the shadows, my arms crossed. In the dim light, something about Cody’s faux-angry profile seemed strangely familiar. After a moment of thought, I opened Sophia’s social media and started scrolling. Among her few posts, I quickly found the portrait sketches she used to draw. The style evolved from amateurish and clumsy to, just two months ago during summer break, skilled enough that the subject was instantly recognizable. My hand holding the phone started to tremble. The comments flickered back into view. [I can’t. She’s not even drawing the second male lead anymore, is she? The MC is the one with the mole under his left eye!] [The old drawings were definitely of the SML, but after she got with the MC, all her drawings have been of him.] [Yeah, exactly. She just drew the SML for so long that his features kind of bled into her style.] [Can the MC please stop being so paranoid? It’s giving me a damn ulcer!] Was that true? The comments were so certain, they almost made me doubt what I was seeing with my own eyes. On stage, Sophia finished her song. She was beautiful, with a fantastic voice, and under the spotlight, she shone like a star, basking in the applause from the new students. Holding the microphone, she suddenly pulled out a QR code. “I’m helping my bestie find a poor soul to date! Anyone with a good temper, apply within!” A freshman in the crowd shouted, “Can I get your contact info instead?” Sophia paused. I expected her to say, “I already have a boyfriend.” But she didn’t. She sighed dramatically. “Sorry, but a certain someone already bribed me with a KFC dinner. If I steal his thunder, I might not get my chicken.” The crowd roared with laughter. And my heart turned to ice.