Chapter 1
On the phone, Vivian, my sister, had sounded so happy:
“Aubrey, you finally got it! I told you that boyfriend of yours was no good.”
“Hiding for years, refusing to meet us… Sis here has a ton of great, reliable guys for you to choose from!”
I murmured, “Yeah, I was wrong. Love shouldn’t be forced.”
“Give me two weeks to sort things out. After that, I’ll be back home, helping you with the company.”
I met Alex seven years ago at a party. In a room full of noise, he stood out like an ethereal lotus. Dressed in a high-collared white shirt, prayer beads in hand, his gaze was distant, cold, and utterly detached.
My best friend, Maya, poked me, whispering, “That’s the ultimate ice king of our study abroad group. He’s been into spiritual practices since he was a kid, sworn off love, broken countless rich girls’ hearts.”
“You can go for anyone else in this room, just not him. Stay far, far away.”
But when Alex’s gaze swept over me, my heart hammered like a drum. My attraction to him was completely out of control.
I’d always been bold, lively, and straightforward.
Everyone liked me. So I didn’t believe anyone could truly be devoid of emotions. I was determined to win him over.
I stuck to him every day, using every trick in the book. When he was writing, I’d climb into his lap, begging him to teach me. He’d back away, twenty feet, abandoning his paper and pen.
He casually mentioned a pastry once; I scoured half the city to buy it, but he didn’t touch a bite, feeding it all to the stray dogs at school.
I even lit an aphrodisiac incense, but he casually doused it with a cup of tea, saying it smelled awful.
Finally, I decided to go all out. I slipped into his meditation room, wearing nothing but a loose robe. Kneeling beside him as he chanted, I whispered in his ear, “It’s so cold, Master. Please hold me.”
He turned and left. The next day, he sent me a dozen down jackets, telling me not to wear inappropriate clothes and disrespect the divine.
Maya poked my forehead, calling me pathetic. But I argued back, righteous, that she just didn’t understand how rare it was to find true love.
I spent two whole years being a complete doormat, so obvious everyone knew it, but I never softened his heart, not one bit.
Just as I was losing hope, wondering if I should give up, Alex suddenly took me to a church. Against the cool moonlight, he asked me:
“Marry me?”
“Who?”
“Me.”
Tears welled up instantly. I wrapped my arms around his waist, asking, “You do have feelings for me, don’t you?”
He was silent for a very, very long time. So long that I looked up, confused.
Finally, he said, “Yes.”
Looking back now, I realize that long silence was his unspoken refusal.
Five years into our marriage, Alex never once stepped into my bedroom. No matter how I tried to seduce or tease him, even if he momentarily lost his composure.
He would always pull back, shutting himself inside his meditation room.
A month ago, still unwilling to give up, I quietly tampered with the lock on his meditation room door. That’s how I witnessed his most hidden desires.
He hadn’t sworn off love at all.
He had poured all his passion into Chloe. His chanting, his prayers, his marriage to me – it was all just a facade.
He was afraid of what society would say, afraid his shameful love would bring disaster to Chloe.
So, was I just destined to be a sacrificial lamb for his affection?
The Alex in that meditation room was a side of him I’d never seen. His eyes were red-rimmed, his expression both devout and deranged. He clutched Chloe’s photo to his chest, confessing in anguish:
“Chloe, I truly love you so much.”
Like a self-inflicted wound, I didn’t move. I just watched him break down and cry over another woman.
This time, I was truly ready to let go.
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