Chapter 1

My flight to Hokkaido for Christmas was cancelled. I dragged my suitcase back home, defeated.

The moment I opened the door, I saw it – candlelight dinner for two on the table, and clothes scattered like fallen leaves across the floor.

This wasn’t the first time I’d walked in on Mark and his little secretary doing this. I’d honestly lost count.

The sounds of labored breathing coming from the bedroom were like a fingernail on a chalkboard.

But, unlike the old me, I didn’t scream or cry. I just sat down on the living room couch and waited for the ridiculous scene to play itself out.

The noise from the bedroom abruptly stopped, like a record player with the needle pulled off.

I sat there, calm, watching Mark stroll out of the bedroom, bare-chested, wearing only a pair of tight briefs. He started gathering the clothes from the floor.

The red marks on his back were a roadmap of their little adventure – undeniable, intimate, like whispers in the silent room.

Ten seconds later, his personal secretary, Amber, walked out.

She was completely naked, beaming, and threw her arms around Mark’s waist.

Her face was glowing, and she pressed her cheek against his back, her voice dripping with sweetness, “Oh, Mark, thank goodness I have you…”

Mark took her hand and turned to hold her close, his tone all soft and teasing, “Whatever makes you happy, babe.”

Amber leaned in for a kiss, but suddenly noticed me on the couch.

Her face went pale and she scrambled for her clothes, hiding behind Mark, like a startled fawn.

Mark glanced my way, a flicker of something complex in his eyes. Then, in a flat voice that brooked no argument, he said to Amber:

“Go back in the bedroom, don’t worry, I’ll take care of this.”

Amber pouted, her lip trembling like she wanted to say something, but in the end, she just nodded and did as she was told.

Mark added, “And close the door behind you.”

After Amber closed the bedroom door, Mark finally turned to face me, his gaze locking on mine.

He glanced at the suitcase by the door, pretending to be nonchalant, “So, you didn’t take off, huh?”

I replied evenly, “My flight to Hokkaido got cancelled.”

“Oh.”

Mark ran a hand over his forehead, then sat down next to me. The couch dipped under his weight.

He closed his eyes, and said quietly, “I didn’t expect you back so soon. I thought you’d be in Hokkaido already.”

“Amber, she’s a poor girl from the sticks, and she’s never had a real Christmas before. You were gone, off skiing with the girls, so I brought her back to celebrate with me.”

“Don’t be mad, okay? I promise… I won’t bring her here next time.”

I looked at Mark, but just a few days ago when I’d invited him to celebrate Christmas, he’d been a totally different person.

He’d been all cold, and grouchy: “Why are you so obsessed with Christmas? It’s just another commercial holiday. Why can’t we just celebrate the holidays that have meaning to us?”

His words had sucked the joy right out of me, and I’d quietly cancelled my dinner reservations.

After that, I decided to go with my girlfriends to Hokkaido.

When Mark saw that I wasn’t saying anything, worried I might blow up and go after Amber, he added quickly: “I’m going to take her home right now.”

I nodded slowly and replied, “Okay.”

Mark looked surprised. Even I was surprised. I hadn’t screamed, hadn’t even argued.

Ignoring his shocked look, I got up, dragged my suitcase toward the spare room, and slowly walked away.

The next afternoon, I lost myself in my studio, painting.

Ever since I’d found out about Mark and his secretary, I’d screamed, raged, threatened to kill myself, trying to force him to end things with her. Nothing had worked.

Back then, he would pinch the bridge of his nose, look at me with these complicated eyes, and say:

“Bailey, in this circle, everyone has a little something on the side. I just have one, you know? And I swear, she won’t show up where you’ll see her, and you can still be my wife, the Mrs. Mark.”

I’d been a total mess, falling on the cold floor, covering my face with my hands, crying: “I don’t just want to be your Mrs. Mark… I want you to love just one person…”

Mark would slowly kneel down, get on my level, his voice as calm as ever, but his words empty of love.

“I do love you, Bailey. You’re the only woman in the world for me.”

And then he’d leave, telling me to calm down.

I’d completely lost it then, grabbed a piece of glass, and slashed my arm, like that could somehow cut through the pain in my heart.

I had thought about divorce, of course, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

We’d been together since we were kids. How could that be worth less than a woman he’d known for three months?

I tried to fight off the temptations of the world with my love, and predictably failed.

I was suffering, and I was stuck in old memories, trapped in all those empty promises that Mark had made.

My friends were the first to see that something was off, they took me to see a therapist, and we went on a trip to relax and recharge. That’s where I discovered painting.

When I paint, I can temporarily forget about all those things and people who were suffocating me.

Mark came home early tonight. I came down from my studio to find him already at the table.

I was surprised, wondering why he was back so early for once.

As soon as he saw me, he asked, “What’s for dinner? You always made me dinner, remember?”

Mark was a fussy eater with irregular habits, and I’d worried about him getting sick. I used to get up early to make him breakfast every day.

But after Amber had appeared, he had stopped eating my breakfasts.

I’d started making dinner again, trying to win him back, but he was always working late or had events, and never came home for it.

I answered flatly, “I figured you’d be working. If you’re hungry, have the staff make something.”

He tightened his lips and looked up at me, “Bailey, I feel like you’ve changed.”

I just smiled, “Really?”

“Yeah.”

Mark blinked at me like a child, a hint of hurt in his voice,

“You used to ask me all the time when I’d be home for dinner. I feel like it’s been a while since I last heard you ask me that…”

But Mark, people don’t just change overnight.

I know, that when I asked you when you’d be home for dinner, you’d tell me that you had to work or work late, but you were actually just in bed with Amber.

That reminder, that betrayal just makes me feel disgusted.

Two days after Christmas was Amber’s birthday.

And how did I know? Well, she’d personally invited me to her birthday bash, that’s how.

When I drove up the winding road to the house on the hillside, they were shooting off fireworks.

The booming sounds were like explosions, the colorful lights raining down from the sky like liquid gold. The house was filled with the sounds of laughter and voices.

Amber, wearing a birthday hat, was the center of attention, surrounded by Mark’s friends. She closed her eyes and made a wish.

Someone playfully tried to smash cake in her face, but Mark stopped them.

He held her close, gently taking the party streamers from her hair, teasing them to stop goofing around.

“Hey, you guys, my girl’s all about her looks, so play nice.”

His words were like a comedy cue and everyone immediately started teasing.

“Awww, look at how protective Mark is of you!”

“Little lady, what are you going to do to thank Mark tonight?”

…

Amber blushed at the jokes, sneaking a peek at Mark.

I didn’t hear what Mark whispered into her ear, but I did see her hide her face against his chest.

As I watched this big celebration, I couldn’t help but think of my own birthday this year, which I spent all alone.

Mark had promised to come home early that day to celebrate with me.

So, I had turned down the party that my girls had organized for me.

I had waited at home, all by myself, until my birthday was almost over. I’d finally called Mark.

The phone just rang and rang, no answer.

And then, finally, he picked up, and I heard Amber whining that she didn’t want to play nurse anymore, and Mark’s sleepy voice, and a rustling, like a wrapper being ripped open.

My hand squeezed my phone so tightly, I thought it might crack. It felt like my heart was made of glass, shattered, and my whole body was being pierced with a thousand darts.

I saw someone nudge Mark and point me out.

When he saw me, his smile froze and then he looked around, his gaze cold. Everyone instantly looked down, like they were afraid to meet his eyes.

But Amber, she walked right up to me, all smiles.

“I invited my sister. Her birthday was the other day, and Mark didn’t do much to celebrate. So, I figured we could all celebrate again today.”

“Amber!”

When it was just the two of them, Mark would call her “Babe,” not her full name.

Amber could tell that he was mad, but she wasn’t worried. She grabbed his arm and pouted.

“Mark, don’t be mad.”

“I invited my sister over because you forgot about her birthday. You gave her that diamond necklace, but that’s not enough. So I wanted to throw her another party today.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it. It’s a big party and it’s a great excuse to have another celebration, that’s why I invited her…”

The more Amber tried to explain, the more pathetic she sounded, and Mark’s face softened.

“I was out of line… I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry. I’ll drink to that. And I promise I’ll try to stay away from you in the future. Please don’t be mad at me.”

As she reached for her drink, Mark snatched it and handed her a glass of juice instead.

“You’re not drinking. If you can’t hold your liquor, you stick to the juice, got it?”

Amber gave a helpless smile and nodded. Then she lifted the other glass of wine toward me.

“I’m really bad at holding my liquor. No matter how many work dinners I go to, I still can’t handle it. I guess that’s Mark taking care of me. He worries about me, and I hope that you can understand. I’m going to apologize with this glass of juice, it’s on me.”

Every word she said was designed to provoke me. I could even see a hint of smugness in her eyes.

She wanted to make me lose my temper and cause a scene like I always had.

But I wasn’t the old me anymore.

I wasn’t heartbroken anymore, I was just… bored.

I didn’t take the glass of wine, and the people around us started whispering.

“Is Bailey going to go off again?”

“I mean, let’s be real, all guys have a side piece, especially a catch like Mark. Bailey’s got zero chance of stopping him.”

“Yeah, but the wife being provoked like this, it’s kind of obvious that she’s going to lose it.”

…

Mark took the wine glass from Amber and gave it to me. There was no room for argument in his gaze: “I want you two to be able to get along.”

I looked at Mark, and a laugh escaped my lips.

Did he think that this was the Dark Ages?

Even back then, you rarely saw a wife get along with her husband’s mistress.

How dare he say something like that?

Mark’s brow furrowed. He opened his mouth, but I knew he wouldn’t be able to justify it.

I snatched the wine from him and downed it in one go.

The liquid spilled down my neck, and I coughed, my eyes tearing up.

I thought I saw a flicker of pity in Mark’s eyes.

He grabbed the empty glass from my hand and I suddenly slumped in his arms, my breath shallow, my skin all flushed.

I heard someone say, “Is Bailey having an allergic reaction to alcohol?”

Mark seemed to snap back to reality, and muttered a curse under his breath.

I could feel Mark pick me up, carrying me out to the car.

I tried to stay conscious, to keep my eyes open and focus on his worried face.

Mark, you’ve even forgotten about my alcohol allergy.

Maybe he was scared, or maybe it was just the guilt finally getting to him. Mark had stayed at home for the past few days, trying to play the doting husband.

I came out of my studio to find him, wearing an apron, cooking in the kitchen.

“Why the sudden urge to cook for yourself?”

I leaned against the door frame, my eyebrow raised in surprise.

“Bailey, I was thinking about us.”

Mark looked up, his eyes full of tenderness and affection.

“We’ve been together for almost 26 years. No one can ever replace that.”

I was lost in thought for a moment.

“Us.” That was such a loaded word.

16 year old Mark said: “Bailey, I’m not going to let anyone hurt you, including myself.”

18 year old Mark said, “Bailey, I’m always going to be there with you. It’s not that I want to, it’s that I will.”

22 year old Mark said: “Life is short, and what would be the point if I didn’t have you.”

23 year old Mark said: “Childbirth is so hard on women, let’s not have kids, we’ll just grow old together, by each other’s side.”

24 year old Mark said: “Bailey can be without Mark, but Mark can’t live without Bailey.”

Back then, we’d only had eyes for each other. We’d believed that love could conquer all.

But life, it had turned out to be so much more complicated than that.

Love is powerful, but love is also so damn unpredictable.

I thought all of this, and then I just felt… drained.

“Mark, let’s get a divorce.”