Chapter 7

I spit out my water. Complete silence. Excuse me, who asked you that? Who asked you? Does anyone here care? Who exactly is asking about your rankings? I quietly typed: “You mean age?” Ethan: “Playing dumb.” Attempt at small talk: failed. After this pointless conversation, I ended up being the one blushing, feeling like I’d done something naughty. Lucas was sunny and cute, while Ethan seemed cold and aloof, but talking to Ethan turned out to be way more interesting than Lucas. Since I couldn’t get Ethan to meet up, I had to think carefully about how to win this bet in a month. First, buy Zack a pair of scissors. Then take a selfie with the scissors and post it: [Yay!] Lucas and Ethan both liked the post. Suddenly Lucas added me to a group chat with three people, named “Totally Useless”. A message popped up. [Starting today, we have 30 days until the bet with the cougar is settled. Report daily - have you lived up to the group name?] [Why are there four people? Lucas, who did you add?] I recognized Ethan’s avatar: [It’s that woman.] [Lucas, are you insane?] [Didn’t you tell me to add everyone?] Lucas chimed in. So the first one must have been Zack. Lucas quickly sent another message: [Welcome beautiful big sis! Throwing flowers! Hearts!] The group went quiet for a moment. After a while, Ethan copied and pasted Lucas’s message. Zack: [Well, since you’re here! Face us head on, watch yourself march towards inevitable defeat!] I stared at the chat, frowning deeply. After hesitating for a moment, I sent my first message. [Are you all virgins?] That can’t be right, all three of them are too handsome… The group suddenly went silent. A full ten minutes passed with no one saying anything. I apologized first: “I’m sorry.” Ethan: “Technically, I don’t count. I engaged in foreplay yesterday.” Lucas: “Fuck, if it wasn’t for you, you bastard, I wouldn’t be anymore!!” Zack: “In this day and age, are we still shaming virgins? Scientific research has shown that virgins live longer than non-virgins…” He posted a whole essay, some fake science clearly copied from somewhere. Oh, I suddenly realized. Zack spent those ten minutes searching for that essay to post. Zack continued rallying the troops. [Brothers united! Our strength can cut through metal! Let’s resist the evil woman together!] Ethan and Lucas copied and pasted after him. [Brothers united! Our strength can cut through metal! Let’s resist the evil woman together!] [Brothers united! Our strength can cut through metal! Let’s resist the evil woman together!] The three of them were quite passionate about it. Meanwhile, the “evil woman” they spoke of received a message. It was from Lucas. “Beautiful, I’m your inside man, hehe.” Accompanied by a happy puppy wagging its tail emoji. I couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow and smile. Looks like Lucas will be easy to get a date with.