The Love That Hurt

CHAPTER 1

With her fingers absently tracing the rim of her glass Allison sat in the dark corner of the busy club. She did not mind that the thumping bass of the music overpowered the clinking sound of the ice. Tonight, she felt as though the laughter, the flashing lights and the noise were all so far away. All she could think about was Shane. Across from her he sat with a relaxed easygoing demeanor as if he had nothing on his mind. But Allison was wiser. She was always able to read Shane like a book. She wasn’t certain she was prepared to hear what Shane had to say, and it was evidenced by the tension in his shoulders and the way he looked away from her whenever their eyes locked that whatever it was would be a total turn off. Shane’s voice was barely audible over the music as he said “So, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something”. His piercing blue eyes finally met hers as he combed through his disheveled black hair. “It’s about Leah” Allison’s heart skipped a beat as she froze for a second. “Leah?” She questions, trying to hide her jealousy. Regardless of her best efforts to ignore it, the name that had plagued her for months seemed to stand in the way of her and Shane’s relationship. Allison was aware of Leah the stunning self-centered woman who had long captured Shane’s heart but the thought of him bringing her up now with such solemnity in his voice made her stomach sink. Allison tried to sound casual when she asked “What about Leah?” but her voice revealed the constriction in her chest as her eyes kept darting anxiously to and back to Shane. “She’s been feeling a little uncomfortable lately she thinks. You may be considering me more than just a friend. She believes…. She believes…,” As if the words were a slap across her face Allison blinked. Her mouth opened to speak but nothing came out. She could feel the heat rising to her cheeks and a tightening in her chest. Hearing the name ‘Leah’ aloud was a completely different experience for her even though she had always known that Leah was a problem between them. “Shane I—” Allison tried to speak but Shane interrupted her with a swift hand gesture. “Let me finish,” he said, his voice softer now but still bearing a heavy burden. “Look I need you to understand that I’m not in any way trying to hurt you. Although I’m currently with Leah I still care about you. You hold a significant place in my heart. You’re my friend. But Leah, she is my girlfriend and also holds a significant part in my life. I don’t want you to think the wrong things and I don’t want to hurt her, do you understand?” Allison felt her heart sink to her stomach. It seemed like every time Shane spoke, she was reminded of how invisible she was to him and she had never been good at concealing her feelings. Despite the fact that she had loved him for as long as she could remember Shane had only ever considered her a friend. Allison said softly just above a whisper “I understand”. Deep down she wanted to scream out her emotions but she just couldn’t. “I will not stand in your way”. She said with her voice barely above a whisper as she struggled with the tears in her eyes. Well, I shall. “I’ll give you some room, I’d give you the space you require”. Shane gazed at her with relief and guilt. “I am grateful for your understanding Allison. I don’t want to lose you as one of my closest friends”. Allison felt a painful twist in her heart. She was the one who had always stood by him listened to him and provided support when he needed it. However, it now appeared that was insufficient. She wasn’t adequate enough to get her love returned. A heavy silence fell between them for a moment. Allison tried to make sense of the flurry of emotions inside of her while the club’s sounds faded into the background. Allison bowed her head for a minute to regain herself but she realized she wouldn’t be able to hold the tears from breaking. She quietly picked up her glass and took a sip instead. Shane’s eyes grew softer as he sighed and ran a hand through his hair once more. “Al, I know it’s not easy for you, I know. Our friendship doesn’t really need to end. You know that I do care about you”. Allison forced a grin as she nodded. “Of course, Shane, I understand. We’ll always be friends” Allison knew in her heart that wasn’t the case though. She was no longer able to be his friend. Not in light of everything she feels for him. She knows she can’t continue to be friends. The pain was too much for her to bear. All these years she had waited hopeful and distantly loved him and every time, in an attempt to suppress her emotions she had persuaded herself that perhaps one day he would see her as more than just a friend. However, that hope was now evaporating leaving her with nothing but a hollow ache in her chest. Shane got to his feet briefly placing his hand on her shoulder. “I must leave. Leah is waiting for me. I’ll see you later, okay?” Allison stayed silent. She merely nodded and watched Shane left, his body engulfed by the throng of people. She swallowed hard the lump that formed in her throat. “Allison, put yourself together. You can’t let out a single tear. No, not here!” She tried to console herself. She needed to be strong. She needed to get over it. After Shane finally disappeared from her site Allison sat silently and gazed at her glass. As if the world had abruptly lost all of its color, she felt numb.

CHAPTER 2

“Shane has made his choice, maybe it’s time to move on” Allison said to herself quietly as she let out a tear. She quickly cleaned it off. Shane’s choice made her feel little and unimportant as if she had been abandoned. As she took further steps to leave, she heard footsteps approaching from behind her. She tried to hide her face in shame, not wanting whoever it to see her tears as she walked down the street. The footsteps had increased as she realized she was being approached. She was shocked to see Shane when she turned around thinking she would see another member of the club. With a coat in his hands and an unreadable expression he stood there. He moved forward his fingers grazing her skin as he draped the coat over her shoulders. “You forgot this” he uttered softly, his tone softer than before. Allison gazed at him perplexed. “How did you…? Why are you..? I thought you had left” She was puzzled as to why Shane was being caring towards her. “Leah” Shane cut her off avoiding her gaze and “Leah had seen you leave earlier. She requested I bring it to you and check on you…..” Allison experienced a wave of conflicting emotions. Even though she was hurt and confused she had secretly hoped that Shane might still care. That he had noticed her pain and came on his own accord to console her. She stood there alone in the chilly night air but before she could say anything he turned away and started to head back towards the club. She could feel the familiar sting of tears threatening to spill and her heart ached even more. She thought about how she had made an effort to let go of Shane and move on over and over again. But every time he appeared it seemed like she was slipping back into the same pattern. Tonight, she felt as though she had no choice even though she wasn’t sure if she was ready to let go. She could feel the pressure of her feelings weighing her down and threatening to break her as she left. Now her love for Shane appeared to be a far-off fantasy that would never materialize. But she couldn’t help but wonder if there was still hope as she took a quick look at the coat he had left her. Perhaps Shane would eventually recognize her for who she really was. ……. Allison was startled awake by the vibration of her phone on the nightstand next to her. Sleep had clung to her mind but the harsh ring of the alarm clock pierced the tiny room. “Who the hell is calling this late in the night?’’ She said grudgingly trying to ignore the call but the ring persisted. She grumpily rolled to the end of the bed as she tried searching for her phone while still trying to sleep. She soon gave up and opened her eyes to see where the phone was ringing from. She ran her fingers through her hair, taking a deep breath, she glanced through the table and identified her phone. She reached out for the phone, brushing her fingers through the bottle of wine she had taken over night. “Good morning, Allison,” Said Karen, her supervisor. Allison was still trying to process the fact that Karen was over the phone greeting her late at night. “I need you to prepare some paperwork for the new CEO today. We expect you to turn in the completed report that you were working on”. Karen continued giving her instructions but noticed she wasn’t getting any response “Allison are you there?” Allison jerked from her subconscious state “Yes, yes, Karen, I’m here. I was only wondering why you are calling this late…. Maybe I could do it in the morning…?” Allison muttered, her voice still heavy with sleep. She rubbed her eyes in an attempt to get rid of last night’s lingering effects. Being called in so early was unexpected especially considering everything that had transpired with Shane and Leah the night before. She hardly slept because she couldn’t get the memories of his coldness and Leah’s unexpected arrival out of her head. Her thoughts were interrupted by Karen’s voice “It is morning Allison and you’re typically late” Quickly .. Allison snapped out of her sleepy state “Morning? Christ!” She checks her phone to confirm the time “8:15??? Heavens!!!” “Are you there Allison?” Karen tries to call her attention. “Yes, Yes, Karen. I’m so sorry, I’d be at the office shortly. This time, she was wide awake. “The new CEO would be waiting for you, let’s not keep her waiting” Karen concluded ending the call. Without even choosing an outfit, Allison sprang out of bed and snatched the first item she came across. She hurried herself into the bathroom for a wash, then she rushed out of the house. **** The building’s familiar hum did little to ease Allisons anxiety when she arrived at the office. She passed her colleagues, the majority of whom were too preoccupied with their own tasks to give her a sidelong glance. With the office’s chilly air doing little to rouse her from her reverie, her feet moved automatically. There was a mountain of paperwork waiting for her when she arrived at her desk. Her coworker Rachel who was seated at the desk opposite hers glanced up from her work and shot Allison a quick empathetic look. “Good morning” she said quietly but with concern in her voice. “Are you alright?” Allison forced a smile into her face. “Yeah, a little worn out. You know, as usual.” Her phone buzzed once more a few minutes later and she looked at the screen. Karen had sent a text message. “In my office, now!”. Allison felt a knot in her gut as she read. She knew she was in for a quarry this morning. She adjusted her clothes and inhaled deeply. “It going to be a very long day” She said as she made her way to Karen’s office. She gave a tap on the door and listened for Karen’s voice “Come in, Allison” Karen’s voice was heard. She adjusted her dress again in preparation for her apology speech as she enters. “Karen, I’m so sorry, I had quite a night and I couldn’t sleep. I must have missed my alarm somehow. I’m deeply sorry Karen” She rendered her apologies before Karen could say I word. This made Karen loosen up for a bit. She noticed Allison’s eyes were darker around her eye bag. “You look a mess Allison. What happened to you? She said with concerns in her voice. “Are you ill? Do you need some time off” Tempted by the offer of some time off, Allison really wants to say yes but she knew being home wasn’t the best option for her, as it would only give her more room to cry over Shane. “ That won’t be necessary ma’am. I just had a rough night and everything is fine” She said trying to convince herself that she was fine. “That’s fine then. Come over here and sit” Karen gestures towards a sit. I need you to go through this. Sonia finished up your report In case you were wondering and some things are not totally balanced. Like the calculation and total of the last deal with the Chevron groups seems not to go with the total sent from the account department and I was wandering where the mistake was from, I need you to check…..” Karen was taken back at the sight of Allison in a distant thought “Allison? I need you here, please” Allison was lost in thoughts for a moment but snapped out off it immediately “I’m here, Karen” She says but Karen could tell that she wasn’t. She wished to know if truly Allison was Okay but she was also irritated by her consistently zooming off the conversation “ Whatever it is Allison, you need to get yourself together” Allison gave a nod in agreement “Can I be excused for a minute? I need to use the restroom” “Yes Allison, please go ahead” She responded.

CHAPTER 3

Allison couldn’t control her thoughts. She feels her heart pounding hard as she gasps for breath. It felt like the walls were closing in on her. She gave room to anxiety as she rushed into the bathroom. She felt really uneasy. She turned on the tap to the sink and cupped her hand under the tap. She allowed it to flow for a bit and washed her face with it. She repeated the process a couple of times and reached out for the door knob to shut the door completely. “Allison, you can’t keep feeling this way. You need to get yourself together” She said in a whisper allowing the tears in her eyes to flow with ease. “You can do better. You’d meet someone else that will love you the way you deserve” “Is everything alright???” Karen asked from the other side of the door. On hearing Karen’s voice Allison quickly stood up and wiped off her tears as she adjusted her clothes. She cleared her throat and responded “Yes, I’m just trying to…. Ease myself. I had a running feeling. I’d join you shortly”. Shortly after, Allison opened the door to find Karen standing. “Allison, I am not going to ask you if all is well. I know all isn’t but I need you to get yourself together. Whatever it is, you’re definitely going to fix it. But right now, our priority is the new CEO and you have to be at your best. Remember the first impression we give last longer” Karen had a bit of concern and professionalism in her voice as she spoke. “Peradventure what you feel is cold feet towards meeting the new CEO. You should know she’s not a big deal. I mean I hear she’s strict and authoritative but I don’t think it’s going to be all shades of bad” She gave an encouraging and reassuring smile. “Cheer up. I trust you’re going to love her eventually. Just like I plan to” Karen was calm and cheering “ Thank you Karen. I needed to hear that” Allison gave a sigh of relief “Would that be all to the corrections with the document? “Yes, please. Go through the documents again and make necessary corrections. I was just informed the new CEO is already on her way” Karen says, gesturing towards the wall clock. “Time is ticking Allison” “Yes ma’am. I’d get to work right away”. She gave a bow and headed out determined to get the job done. As Allison worked on the document, she received a text from Karen and it reads “The CEO has arrived and she’s waiting in the conference room. Get yourself here now!” Allison felt a knot in her gut as she read “The CEO” Nothing had prepared her for what was about to happen even though she had known about the new CEO coming in a few weeks back. She got to her feet slowly feeling more anxious as she made her way to the conference room. She approached the door with slow purposeful steps that reverberated in her ears. She hesitated as she got to the door. Even though she had a hunch that this meeting would not proceed as planned there was no going back now. She gave a small knock then opened the door and entered carrying the report. The tall figure near the window caught her attention as soon as she entered the room. “Leah?” Her hands became feeble releasing the files she was carrying to fall to the ground. Leah gave a weird smile as she stood directly opposite Allison from the other end of the table. Allison’s breath was caught in her throat and made her swallow hard as she entered. The presence of Shane standing beside Leah like her watch dog made her wonder if she was in the right place but Karen was standing next to her and she knew she was where she ought to be. “Pick up your jaw young lady” Leah gestures towards the files scattered about on the floor. Karen gave a warning stare to get herself together. “I apologize on her behalf, Allison isn’t feeling too well today ma. But I promise she is ….” Karen tries to give excuses in Allison’s defense but Leah cuts in. “I believe, the young lady…. What did you call her name?….” She gestures her hands for a response but cuts in to respond herself “Allison?…. I believe the young lady here, Allison, isn’t dumb, else you wouldn’t have employed her right?. So she should speak for herself” She turned to Allison for her response but Allison was still in shock and could not find the right words. She was still not sure what she had anticipated but it was definitely not this. “Well? Cat bit your tongue?” Leah gave Allison a sarcastic look. She was determined to frustrate Allison’s effort and Allison was fully aware of this. There was nothing that could have prepared her for the face that would forever alter her life. Nerves crawling up her throat Allison knelt down by the door to gather the reports holding each document tightly. Some minutes ago, she was ready to deliver her reports with the professionalism she had promised Karen she’d uphold. “I’m sorry ma’am, I was, un…. I mean I apologize for….” She couldn’t find the right words. She felt even more uneasy as she looked towards Shane. The ground seemed to have collapsed under Allison’s feet. The company’s tall walls felt oppressive all of a sudden. This was not what she was prepared for. Her heart was flooded with feelings she wasn’t prepared for. For a moment Shane stared back at her but his eyes were unrecognizable. She seemed to him like just another coworker, another face in the crowd. He no longer gave her the same look. He no longer saw her the way he used to. He turned his attention from her to Leah. Allison’s hands trembled a little and tightened their hold on the report even more. She attempted to control her breathing but the weight of everything going on made the air feel thick and heavy. In contrast Leah stood there grinning smugly her gaze sweeping the room like a predator assessing its victim. It appeared as though she had spent her entire life preparing for this moment because she was so composed and at ease. Allison came to a realization at that moment. Now Leah had authority over Shane in addition to the company. She captured his heart and attention. Allison felt even smaller and more invisible as a result of that. Other members of staff began to enter, they all greeted with so much respect. Some had the word ‘surprise’ written all over their faces. They knew a new CEO was coming but never anticipated a young figure like Leah. Soon the conference hall was filled up, as they all had their seats, Karen and Allison included. Shane sat right next to Leah and Allison couldn’t take her eyes off him. She wanted to look through his eyes and understand why he looks at her like a total stranger.